Caillou Shorties!
by Donunttakemeserious
Summary: A collection of random Caillou short stories...mostly involving Caillou getting hurt in some way. Not related to my other stories Caillou's Safety Rules and Caillou: The Devil's Pawn. Please enjoy! I do not own Caillou nor do I want to.
1. Caillou Extreme Rules!

A Caillou Short 1.

One morning Caillou woke up very grumpy. He wanted to go to the pencil museum but Daddy thought that was fucking boring. So Caillou began to throw a tantrum.

"WAAAAAAAHHH! I WANT TO GO TO THE PENCIL MUSEUM! I WANNA I WANNA IWANNNA! I WANNA GO STOOOPID DADDY, STOOOPID MOMMY, STUPID FUCKING ROSIE!, STOOOPID GILBERT" cried Caillou

Daddy and Mommy grew tired of Caillou yelling, so Daddy grabbed Caillou by his ankles and started spinning around and around until he let go and threw Caillou out the window of his room. Caillou landed hard on the ground, there waiting for him was Mommy who quickly picked up Caillou and gave him a Stone Cold Stunner.

"Mommy 3:16 said I just whooped your ass" said Mommy to Caillou

She then bashed to beer cans together and started chugging them over Caillou. At that point the neighborhood children came along with their parents to watch and started chanting.

"THIS IS AWESOME, THIS IS AWESOME!" all in unison

Gilbert pointed towards the sky and the crowd knew what was coming and began to cheer and chant louder.

"WE WANT TABLES, WE WANT TABLES, WE WANT TABLES!" once again in unison

Then Gilbert grabbed a table and put Caillou on it. Then he signaled towards the roof, there stood Rosie. With the crowd roaring she jump off a hit Caillou with the Swanton Bomb, breaking the table, herself, and most of all Caillou in two. Then Mr. Hinkle went for the pin count.

"ONE, TWO, THREE! THE FAMILY WINS!" announced Mr. Hinkle

The crowd cheered and then Daddy picked up Rosie and treated the entire neighborhood to Ice Cream and visit to the pencil museum. Leaving Caillou unconscious in the front yard.

Fin

**A/N: **I'm so mean Caillou aren't I? But anyways this is not related to Caillou: The Devil's Pawn series, these stories will just be random short stories of me just abusing the living hell out of Caillou. So if you're into that please enjoy, and you have any suggestions leave them in review and I'll try to make it happen!. Thank you!


	2. Clemintine's Joke

Caillou Short 2

One afternoon at play school Caillou, Leo, and Clemintine where playing in the playground when they found something interesting.

"Hey guys look what I found!" yelled Clemintine

"What is it?" asked Leo

"Maybe it's a spaceship!" replied Caillou

"No dumbass, spaceships come from the outer layers of the galaxy and most spaceships wouldn't be small they would have be large in order to enter the Earth's atmosphere!" replied Leo

"Oh, okay" replied Caillou disappointedly

"So what is it babe?" said Leo

"mmmh boy don't you call Babe like I'm your girl" replied Clemintine

They laughed about that exchange for awhile, but Caillou went on to try to find what Clemintine found.

"What did you find Clemintine?" asked Caillou

"A donut" replied Clemintine

"A donut?" asked Caillou

"Yeah you want one?" asked Clemintine

"SURE I'D LOVE ONE!" replied Caillou with excitement

"WAIT CLEMINTINE DON'T!" shouted Leo

But it was too late...

There was no donut, instead of the pastry there was only pain as Clemintine gave a massive uppercut to his jaw. Sending the bald four year flying backwards toward a scene of black.

"Hurts donut!" laughed Clemintine

Caillou didn't answer as he was knocked the fucked out.

"Why'd you tell not to?" asked Clemintine to Leo

"You got the setup wrong, you had to mention a fake donut shop called Hertz Donuts" replied Leo

"Ohhh, oh well!" laughed Clemintine

They both left laughing away as they headed back inside. While Caillou remained knocked out with no one caring if he was hurt.

Dol-Fin


	3. Caillou goes to WWE!

Caillou Short 3

"Hey daddy whatcha watchin?" asked Caillou

"Oh I'm watching wrestling." replied Daddy

"It's been awhile since we've gone to a live event haven't we dear?" asked Mommy

"Yeah we should go to one! WWE is coming to Quebec in 3 weeks!" said Daddy excitedly

"Ok, but just remember what happen last time honey" said Mommy

"What happened?" asked Caillou

"I don't want to talk about it Caillou" replied Daddy

**Three weeks later...**

"Oh boy I can't wait to see my favourite wrestler" said Daddy

"Rosie too" said Rosie

"Haha me too" said Mommy

"WAIT! Where's Caillou?" asked Mommy

Both Mommy and Daddy stood up to find their bald-headed son but he could not be found until a microphone went on...

"I challenge anybody to a No Rules Match! Hehehe this is fun!" said their stupid son

The crowd started booing the little boy who now standing in the middle of the ring. Caillou started taunting the crowd with a series of tongue sticking and butt slaps. The crowd started getting more rowdy and even Daddy started booing Caillou until music started playing.

"SIERRA, HOTEL, INDIA, ECHO, LIMA, DELTA... SHEILD"

The Shield came out from the crowd and surround the ring. Caillou was giggling in the center until they entered the ring. The baldie was about to run away until Roman Reigns speared him in two. The three men stomped Caillou outside the ring were they dragged him to the commentator's table. There the men hoisted Caillou up for their Triple Powerbomb and drove Caillou into the table. The crowd, plus Daddy, started cheering. The three men left Caillou destroyed. Daddy was excited until Mommy told him that the person that was destroyed was his own son Caillou, to which Daddy replied...

"Like Father, Like Son I guess."

Fin

In case you were wondering which wrestler beat up Daddy...it was Stone Cold Steve Austin


	4. Swagillou

Caillou Short 4

_On one faithful afternoon Caillou discovered who his maternal grandfather was. The man was world famous but Caillou didn't know that, so his parents decided to let Caillou visit him over the summer. It would be a summer a would change him forever because his grandfather is "The World's Most Interesting Man"._

_Now in High School Caillou has put what he learned all those years ago to good use._

March 31, 2024

One night I forgot to turn off my swag...

Then I woke up to a bed full of bitches kissing on me from head to toe

Damn today is going to be a good day.

For realz,

Caiilou

"How was that Ms. Johnson?" said Swagillou

"YOUR IN MATH CLASS YOU PIG!" said Ms. Johnson

"Don't be jelly Ms. Johnson, you can get with me too." replied Swagillou

Ms. Johnson blushed but then told Caillou to sit down and shut up. Later as class went on Caillou began his usual seducing of the girls next to him...cuz he's ballin like that. The bell ring and everyone began to pack up to leave as school was finished but Ms. Johnson walk around and left a note on Caillou's desk. I read...

"Stay after class"

As everyone left Caillou remained seated and Ms. Johnson was at her desk glaring at him. After a few minutes of silent tension she finally got out of her desk and locked the door to her classroom. She proceed to close the curtains as well, Swagillou knew what was about to happen(cuz it happen before to him). Ms. Johnson then went to Caillou's desk and then seductively sat down on it and before long... they were doing the dirty.

After the sex Caillou walked home thinking about his latest conquest and how awesome he is, he then looked up into the sky and said...

"Thanks Grandpa"

BUT just then a Hollow ripped out of the sky and used a Cero on Swagillou killing him instantly.

Fin

**A/N: I originally intended this story to be different...but the temptation of causing Caillou harm was to great. **


	5. When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong

Caillou Short 5

Caillou was a 4 year old who liked to explore the world in a very annoying fashion. But on one May afternoon he was about to find out how terrible humiliation can be...

When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong

It was recess and the four year old just got done finishing a coloring book, hot of his success he went to the playground to hang with his "homies". While at sandbox one of Caillou's crew members spotted the new kid that started school just earlier that morning, swinging at Caillou's favorite swing. Leo knowing how much Caillou loved that swing told him to go over and scare the new kid out of there. Caillou feeling confident went over to the swing set and pushed the new girl out of the swing.

"That's my swing hahaha I keeps it real!" Caillou laughed triumphantly

But what Caillou didn't realize was that Dalia(the new kid) was trained in Mixed Martial Arts and had a terrible temper to match her skills. She quickly got up and beat down the bald-headed four year old to a bloody pump. Caillou was rushed to the emergency room with a broken nose, dislocated shoulder, missing teeth, extreme diarrhea, and wound pride. Noboby at the pre-school forgot about that incident and reminded Caillou up until gradutation. He painfully learned the lesson about...

When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong


	6. The Cypher

Caillou Short 6

"Ya know what it is! It's the cypher! Let's get it goin!" said Ms. Martin

"DJ Daddy lay dat shit down" said Mommy

Leo:

_What it is son?_

_Ya niggaz best keep to steppin_

_See fuckin wit me would be like death by a deadly weapon_

_Faggots come talkin shit about my red hair _

_But when it comes to a battle they be like "Leo please play fair!"_

_Fuck dat nigga I do what I want _

_I drink, I smoke, I rap, I taunt_

_Bitchez be scared enough to call the cops_

_But this Ginga Jewish fire is one that you can't stop!_

Clemintine:

_Ok I guess it's my turn to tear up the mike_

_Lines so hot it turns straight women to dykes_

_Oops was that line too hot? Yikes_

_But ya'll niggaz will be satisfied by the end of this night_

_With words so electrifying that they turn off the lights_

_And metaphors so powerful that niggaz end up in fights_

_Its about time to end this shit right_

_Cuz ya'll niggaz ain't ready for Caillou... aight!_

Caillou:

_Yeah yeah yeah I'm just a kid's who four_

_But what the fuck do you think I'm here for?_

_Don't come here disrespecting me nigga, I'm Caillou_

_Everybody's favorite Canadian bald kid with a big dick_

_Sick with mike, I suck the life out of it like a big tick_

_But Oh shit! ya'll niggaz keep thinking I playin_

_Just standing around ignoring all the bullshit you sayin_

_But ya'll niggaz keep hatin' cuz I'm gettin rich off you whether old or new_

_Just remember the name...nigga I'm Caillou_

_Swag up_

"Oh shit!" said the kids

"That's all for the Cypher" said Ms. Martin

Everybody went home.

Caillou died three weeks later due to complications of Hepatitis Q and Severe Acute Hiccup Syndrome...plus Explosive Diarrhea and then was eaten by hamsters...I don't know anymore. Maybe he drowned while lost in the desert?

"Ugh...just quit it Corndog. This isn't even our story." said The Devil

FOOLS!

_Lame...(''_")_

FOOLS!

Fin

Next Time on very special episode of Caillou Shorties!

_Excailbur, Excalibur!_

_From the United K I'mma looking for heaven_

_I'm going to California!_

_Excalibur!, Excalibur!_

_From the United K I'mma looking for him_

_I'm going to California!_

_Excalibur!, Excalibur!, EXCAILBUR!_


	7. Excalibur

Caillou Short 7 FOOL! What right do you have to name my this chapter like an ordinary chapter in this story, my legend dates back to the 12th Century!

_I'm just a kid who's four _

_Each day I grow some more_

_I like exploring I'm Caill-_

_**Ex-cali-bur!**_

_**Ex-cali-bur!**_

_**From the United K **_

_**I'm searching for him **_

_**I'm going to California!**_

"What's going on? sai-

**FOOL!**

**I'm going to take over this story, my legend dates back to the 12th Century**

**Yes I remember it well back in the warm summer evening... or was it pleasantly mild spring afternoon? Either way my legend dates back to the 12th Century, that was a very long time ago. I was a bad boy wandering the rough streets of Omaha, Nebraska running a murderous street gang of iguanas native to the city, I remember it just like it was yesterday... it was a Tuesday...or was it a Sunday?...Perhaps it was Monday, although Wednesday does sound right...but Saturday is a lovely day to start a legend, oh and we can't forget about Thursday..there's always a Thursday. YES! it was a Friday, a frigid Friday night during long harsh winter in Hawaii as I served as the lead pianist during a rendition of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's Thriller. Yes I remember it well...**

"Uhhh... This is the Caill-"

"**FOOL! You understand nothing." **

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" yelled Caillou out of frustration as he jumped out the window.

"Hey writer..what's going on Didn't you say that Caillou Shorties had nothing to do with Caillou: The Devil's Pawn?" asked The Devil as he once again breaks the 4th wall.

Well Devil...I just don't know anymore. -_-

"Ok" replied the confused Devil.

**Fools**

_Lame_

_**FOOLS!**_

**A/N: **This won't be the last of Excalibur...** Yes as I'm appearing in an upcoming Broadway musical based on bestselling Stephen King novel "Naruto". **

He even interupted the author's notes... (_) Lame!


	8. Super Caillou Sentai GO!

Caillou Short 8

_Go Go Caillou Rangers! Go Go Caillou Rangers! Go Go Caillou Rangers! You mighty morphin Caillou Rangers!_

"We're under attack!" said citizens of whatever city Caillou lives in.

"Rangers let's go!" shouted Caillou

"Caillou Red!"

"Leo Blue!"

"Andre Black!"

"Clemintine Yellow!"

"Rosie Pink!"

"Sarah Green!"

"Rangers go!" commanded Caillou as he stayed behind the rest of his comrades as they fought against Puddings. Then there general came to attack as Caillou's comrades continued to fight the Puddings. Caillou decided to take on the leader himself, he ran towards him and was quickly punched in the face. He began to cry on the floor curling up in the process, the rest of the Rangers finally defeated the Puddings and rushed to help Caillou. They eventually defeated the monster but as usual they turned into a giant monster. The rangers had to summon the megazords.

"Caillousaurus!"

"Cailloutops"

"Cailloudon"

"Cailloutoothtiger!"

"Cailloudactyl!"

"Caillou Mega Zord! and Sarah's dragon zord...boo!"

Both megazords attacked the giant monster and was defeated with no problem.

"Alright! I did it!" shouted Caillou

Everyone else...

"SHUT THE HELL UP CAILLOU!"

Shark-Fin


	9. Like Caillou

Caillou Short 9

_Her pussy bald like Caillou_

_Swag-Swag like Caillou_

_I'm good, nigga how you?_

_Go way back like Caillou_

_Hat back like Caillou_

_I dont match like Caillou_

_My weed young like Caillou_

_Go dumb like Caillou_

_I'm PBS like Caillou_

_DTF like Caillou_

_My dick fresh like Caillou_

_She get wet like Caillou_

_The realest in it like Caillou_

_I dig in it like Caillou_

_Bad bitch, go suck dick_

_Need 30 minutes like Caillou_

_I'm up early like Caillou_

_She get dirty like Caillou_

_She ain't worthy, I'm Caillou_

_I'm nerdy like Caillou_

_I'm young as hell like Caillou_

_Don't fail like Caillou_

_I go for it like Caillou_

_Fuck Dora, Caillou_

_-Yung God_


	10. The Bald Knight Rises

Caillou Short 10

Police Radio Dispatch:

_"We got reports of a unidentified male holding a school bus hostage, according to some of our officers they're heading towards downtown Montreal."_

Random Cell Phone Users_:_

_"Holy shit there's a kid or some kinda midget hijacking this bus! This shit's crazy!"_

_"Hello? Police there's some crazy dwarf hijacking the bus! He's wearing some weird mask covering only his mouth and nose! Please come help us!"_

_"I don't know how long I have bro but if I die hide those magazines from mom for me please?"_

Audio recordings on the bus:

_"Just who the hell are you?"_

_"__**It doesn't matter who I am. What matters is my plan.**__"_

_"Hold on! We got word that Leo-Man is on his way, that's the Leo-mobile!"_

Speaker phones:

_"Just give up Caillou! You won't win!"_

_**"Oh so the lion has come to play..."**_

"_Is that a bazooka_?"

"_That bald bastard has a bazooka!" _

_"We have get off this bus!"_

_"OH GOD HE BLEW UP LEO-MAN!" _

_"IS HE DEAD?"_

_"Are we next?"_

_**"When I get my candy and Montreal is in ashes...then you all have my permission to die."**_

Will Caillou plan succeed? Find out RIGHT NOW!

no

Fin


	11. Caillou Tries Coffee

Caillou Short 11

Caillou looked up on the counter where a mug sat. He looked if anyone was around and then dranked from the mug. Caillou spat out the substance and ran off.

It was cat piss.

Caillou exploded moments after.

Fin

_"Revenge is a dish best served fresh."- Rosie_


	12. The PBS Cypher

Caillou Short 12

"Aye yo it's your boy Arthur here at PBS studios."

"We got Sid Da Science Kid in da house" "Wat up"

"We got that boy Daniel Tiger" "Welcome to my neighborhood bitches"

"We got my nigga Buster" "It's you boi!"

"And we got that crazy nigga Caillou" "Let's get it."

"Its the PBS Cypher, DJ Big Bird spin dat shit."

[Pop That Instrumental]

_Now open yo mind and listen Tiger_

_Hope you can understand lyrics comin' from Tiger_

_When you gonna make yo show better Tiger?_

_I don't know _

_Yo No Se _

_I no hablo espanee_

_That's Dora _

_The Exwhore-a_

_Nick and Disney better recognize_

_It's an all cartoon genocide_

_For your own good_

_Grab you shit and get the fuck outta my neighborhood._

"Yeah, PBS we ain't start shit, we finish nigga. Mr. Rogers, Daniel Tiger, PBS we out this bitch."

[The Payback Instrumental]

_Teaching world about science it's a hard life_

_Specially if we cuttin yo crew with lab knife_

_Spittin' shit the realiest _

_Sid Da Science Kid, Nihilist_

_No point in life when I speak knowledge_

_Fuck six years old already in college _

_Smartest of all kid shows,so I bought Lexus_

_No can talk shit cuz I Little Eisteins for breakfast_

"Yup check it."

[Hot Nigga Instrumental]

"You ready Buster?" "**Hell yeah Arthur**"

_We The Kings of PBS, Arthur and Buster, now bow down bitches_

_**If we ain't talkin' to you then quite the fuck down snitches**_

_We the OGs of the kid shows_

_**Kid Shows!**_

_Fuck wit us and you tweakin' Hoe_

_**Tweakin' hoe**_

"Alright now change the beat BIg Bird"

[99 Problems]

_Now once upon a time not to long ago_

_**Bitch niggaz tried strong-arms yo**_

_Me and Busta Busta had go in _

_**Choke a bitch **_

_The other ran off and turned to snitch_

_**We settled out of court, was that fun**_

_Cuz we got 99 problems but other networks ain't one!_

"Yeah" "**Kill'em"**

[Control Instrumental]

_Tell Flex to drop a bomb on this shit_

_So many bombs, ring the alarm like Vietnam in this shit_

_So many bombs, make Farrakhan think Saddam in this bitch_

_One at a time, I line 'em up and bomb on they mom while she watchin' the kids_

_Fuck y'all clubs, fuck y'all pictures, your Instagram can gobble these nuts_

_Gobble dick up 'til you hiccup, my big homie Kurupt_

_This the same flow that put the rap game on a crutch_

_I heard the sandbox spittin' great debates all the time_

_Bout who's the best kid's cartoon rapper? Caillou, Mickey and Bugs_

_Spongebob, Elmo, the rest of y'all_

_New niggas just new niggas, don't get involved_

_I'm usually homeboys with the same niggas I'm rhymin' wit_

_But this is hip hop and them niggas should know what time it is_

_And that goes for Doc, Sid, Daniel Tiger_

_Lil' Einsteins, Octonauts, Dora, Bubble Guppies_

_Arthur, Buster, Justin In Time, Lazytown_

_I got love for you all but I'm tryna murder you niggas_

_Tryna make sure your core fans never heard of you niggas_

_They dont wanna hear not one more noun or verb from you niggas_

_What is competition? I'm tryna raise the bar high_

(Everyone else) - "OH SHIT!"

* * *

**A/N: **Credit for Caillou's verse goes to Kendrick Lamar who sometimes ghostwrites for him. Though everyone is scared of Caillou so you can't really say no to him and Justin Hires for Daniel Tiger's verse.

P.S. It effin' hard to write raps...this might be the last cypher I write.


	13. Michael Bay's: CAILLOU

Caillou Short 13

**CAILLOU**

"Mommy! I want orange juice!" Caillou said as he entered his family's kitchen.

**BBOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM**

"Caillou I got your oran-**EXPLOSION!**"

Caillou's dad walks into his living room and sat on his couch.

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM**

_The role of "Rosie" is now be played by Megan Fox._

"Hey everyone, I'm Rosie" jiggled Rosie as she randomly strutted across the living room in a revealing dress that was an extremely deep V. Shia LeGilbert was also there screaming into the camera.

"DO IT! JUST DO IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JUST...DO IT!"

**BOOOOMMMMMMM!**

[Play random Linkin Park song]

The End

Directed By: **Michael Bay**


End file.
